i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
