Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
