Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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