Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
