My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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