I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
