Nicole vs. Life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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