I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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