Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
