nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
