Having a random hookup so left but love u
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
