If i come over, it means nothing
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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