News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
