I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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