I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize