I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
