Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
