4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
