I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
