Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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