he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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