I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
