i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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