he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
