btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
