the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
