i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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