I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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