i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
