Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
