Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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