what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
