I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I am morally bankrupt
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
