And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize