2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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