So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
