Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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