I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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