I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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