You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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