Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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