Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
