You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize