i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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