people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
