Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
