The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
