you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
