glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize