i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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