What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
