no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
