Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
