Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wish my penis had a tongue
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
