Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
