if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Already got asked if we're dating
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
