we have officially lost it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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