I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize