I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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