seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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