Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize