Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
